Friday, May 21, 2010

Terry & Tom & Juergen & Marc & Lola & Me


Lily Donaldson for Terry Richardson in Peter Pilotto, I don't know what season, from Vogue, I don't remember when

So I had a dream about Terry Richardson. We were somewhere, doing something, I guess I was a model. There were other models. We were shooting, but eventually he got all Terry-Richardson-style-creepass on me, was chasing me around, giant prosthetic penis, you know, the usual. (Follow some of the TR controversy here).

The best part was the other model. It was like we were in on some secret together: yeah, we know Uncle Terry is a creepster. And we know this is all a sham, but we were powerful and cooler than everyone else and knew exactly what we were willing to do. (It reminded me of the relationship between Esther and Doreen early on in The Bell Jar, which probably isn't a coincidence, since I had just finished it that night.) I love that about models--the best of them are interesting and sophisticated and quietly aware, and in solidarity.

He was praising us, we were just standing there (I remember thinking, when do I tell him I'm not really even a model?). Until I made the wrong face or something, then he kept saying my name over and over again like, "Come on, now," like a dentist when you're a kid and you won't sit still. Or like your parents, when you're a kid and you won't sit still. Or when they're just disappointed in you.

So I rolled my eyes at him. And at that moment something glamorous must have happened and he said, "You're witnessing a genius in action." And I said--here's the real best part, the most badass thing I've never done--"Whatever, I like Juergen Teller better."

So Juergen Teller & Terry Richardson, and their associates, that's what this post is about.


I was showing a friend of mine after I woke up, how I really do love Juergen more. Here's the example I used:


TERRY RICHARDSON


alternately, TERRY RICHARDSON

and then,


JUERGEN TELLER


We could say it's a matter of taste, but really it's also very political. WHO IS BETTER AT BLEACHED-OUT PHOTOS THAT LOOK LIKE ECCENTRIC SEX TAPE STILLS THAT SUPPOSEDLY ARE RLY RLY "REVEALING" WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN "HONEST" BUT MOSTLY MEANS "FULL FRONTAL"? It's a battle of unnecessary nudity in perfume ads. It's a battle of insider fashion credibility and "creative genius." All I know is,

a) only one of these two photographers is largely accused of everything up to, including, and beyond rape during his sessions (hint: it's the one who thinks gurls luv to put their boyfrens' cologne in their pre-pubescent-shiny-vags, in an entirely un-ironic way).

b) Terry Richardson is like a vaguely more grown up Dov Charney. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEAN BY THIS, but I know you all understand. And nothing gives a feminist tha shivers like Mr. American Apparel.

c) JUERGEN TELLER IS A BETTER PHOTOGRAPHER. This is a caps-heavy post, you guys, because TRUTH NEEDS CAPS. I'm gonna let you guys decide, here are the sites of each: Mr. All-the-Models-Gave-Me-Handjobs,-Dontcha-Wanna-Be-Like-Kate-Moss-or-Whoever,-Little-Girl? or Mr. Would-Have-a-Catchier-Nickname-if-He-Wasn't-So-Nice, Teller (that gallery is limited, you can try a tumblr stream here). Oh, my bias is showing. But one of these photogs is all flash and glare (photo joke, you see). The other is pure...I don't know, I'm burnt out on photo puns. Something about white balance and light? And, as a lover of design, Mr. Teller is far more the master of negative space and typog. Which you will see in photos later in the post. (But, can we confirm that that design is actually his concept? I'm not sure if he has a design partner or not).

and, finally

d) TEAM MARC JACOBS FOREVER, fools!

You see, I believed all of this, and I still do. But today, this happened:

JUERGEN TELLER


So, that might change things. In its own stupid, quiet way, I sense this is going to be the fashion rag scandal-of-the-moment. (And day 1 says it already is: see here and here to begin with.)

But really, who doesn't think this is making fun of the Tom Ford ad? I need to believe my Juergen and my Marc are just being ironic, especially in light of the Terry controversy these days. I mean, we're talking about

he-of-Spongebob-tattoos


he-of-inverted-heels

(Spring or Fall 2008? I can't remember)

they-of-the-infamous-ads:


Cole Mohr in M-by-M--ladieswear! (Fall/Winter 08/09)

Marvel at that beautiful Gothic type and its perfect spacing!
(Does anyone know why sans-serifs were called Gothic? What does that even mean?)

and:

Posh, (Spring/Summer 08)


I said, POSH


Victoria Beckham for Marc Jacobs!

I mean, really, is this a creative duo that could take that "Bang" business seriously? No way.

But then I remembered that this happened:

Marc Jacobs shot by Terry Richardson for Harper's Bazaar, January 2009. What?

Well, then, we'll have to think about that one.

But in the end, it doesn't matter. I'm a Lola Girl through-and-through.


Marc & Juergen & Karlie Kloss & Lola

Look, I can do it too, Juergen & Uncle Terry:


Please expect more cheaply washed photos of my things in the future, dear audience. Margins, negative space, the whole deal.

This picture features some of my objects that I'll talk about someday. A German slide-viewer that deserves its own post. A Kodak Brownie Starmite from the early sixties. Most of the cameras in this house--and oh, there are gajillions--are not mine. I'm not that good at them, they're mostly my roommate/object-hound-other-half, Lucas's. He knows photography. But this was was mine because it's on a rope, and you know, I'm a girl, so I must like it 'cause it's jewelry. Plus it's great-looking. And weren't Brownies totally made for women anyway, since we need daintier models that we can wear and can't screw up too bad? Anyway, I got it at a garage sale and it still had frames left, I've been using them and I'm gonna see how they turn up or if it even works at all or what is on the film soon. And I'll eventually post on the camera collection, too. Also, there are some cat-eyes and a paper crown I made for Lucas for a Lady Gaga party.

And some art books with slides that I loved as a kid, and some of my kids' art text books. Those deserve their own feature.




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